By Jenyng Wu
Drop a pebble in the water: just a splash, and it is gone;
But there’s half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
The moment: an invitation to the Centers Gathering at Omega in 2018.
As the Finance and Operations Director at the Occidental Arts & Ecology Center, my work is predominantly internal. I love to build things, specifically systems and networks within an organization that then supports and enables its external work. At OAEC it is the inter-connections and intersections of ecology, education and advocacy. We explore solutions to the urgent ecological and social crises of our times and seek to model what a just and equitable transition could look like at our 80-acre demonstration and education site. So, when I was told about a network of centers gathering to share best practices and that the theme was diversity and inclusion, it just made sense that I should go. And so, I went.
What happened next has been a continuous ripple of events that emanates from that one moment.
The Gathering last year was the first of its kind for me. I came with a curiosity to learn about other centers and what their challenges were as well as their successes. I came to experience what retreat centers were about and how our small organization fits into the larger fabric (if at all) of centers around the world. What a lovely surprise to find that we shared many commonalities amongst ourselves yet also very different in what we offer and how we offer it. We were Centers of various sizes (small/start-ups to large/established) and purpose (individual/inner work to community/social change). While many of us have ‘gone it alone’ or consulted with experts outside our retreat communities, we realized the power and knowledge available within our industry. Amongst us we had experts with shared experiences, language, problems and solutions to our challenges and needs. The network weaved was of community and access in our otherwise solitary satellites of remote centers around the world.
At the Gathering I met and connected immediately with Charlene Lo of Hollyhock. Rowing together on the lake at the Omega Center, we bonded over our commonality of coming from the corporate world into the non-profit. We also bonded over our shared stories of cultural identity as transplants into predominant white spaces. Having just sat through a session at the Gathering with Reverend Angel Kyodo Williams, a powerful Black American activist and ordained Zen Buddhist priest, we were inspired and curious about her work of collective liberation. Charlene mentioned that Reverend Angel would be at Hollyhock that summer for her week-long retreat, Radical Dharma: The Conversation. And what started out as a joke (if you go, I’ll go), manifested into reality. Two months later, I found myself on a plane, a shuttle, and two ferry rides into the heart of BC Canada.
I had never participated in a retreat before. The Gathering had been my first, but for me that was work related. This was personal. At Hollyhock, I found myself sitting in a circle with 20 others humans braced to grapple with the subject of racism and white supremacy, specifically in the US. What I was not prepared for was that this was not about an intellectual exercise of problem solving the “that” “over there,” but rather a deeply personal, vulnerable and uncomfortable space of inner work of how racism and white supremacy lives “in me” and how my liberation of it all is connected to the liberation of others. [Pause.] As the week progressed, we collectively peeled layer upon layer of our own realizations in the safe container we had created together. Upon the end of our time we were asked to share how we would take this work forward into our lives. I remember not being able to come up with something concrete, but committed to remain open to what opportunities may be revealed to me in the future. Then I hugged my new friends, not knowing if I would ever see them again, but sure I was forever changed and would carry the spirit of each individual being and our collective love with me into my tomorrows.
Shortly after Hollyhock, we had a family trip to visit grandma. I’m also the mother of two small boys, Noah and Thomas (1st grader and Kindergarten respectively). One afternoon, taking a nap with my eldest, Noah, I woke before him. Rather than sliding out of bed quietly as not to wake him, I chose to stare at his angelic face and enjoy the moment of the quiet and serenity of his sleep. It was then that the ripples continued and the thought came to me: To start Discussion Circles. These would be circles of safe spaces to discuss specific tender and tumultuous topics. I wanted to have two. One for work to talk about diversity and the other for the parent community at my children’s school to talk about conscious parenting. In that moment I had both a realization and a calling: that I can shape the society my children inherit.
Starting a discussion circle at work was the easier of the two. At OAEC, we had already been planning a staff retreat on racism and white supremacy. As a predominately white organization, we navigate the waters of how to be in ally-ship with people of color in the social movement world. Since our last retreat five years ago, we realized after years of focus on our external work, we needed to do some inner work as a Collective to meet the needs of those we were welcoming into our spaces. The discussion circles formed were personal and complimented the more formal approach of the retreat. In the discussion circles we held conversations about how we noticed patterns within ourselves and/or in society that perpetuate the dominant culture that oppresses others. It was not about solving problems “out there” but realizing that just the mere “awakeness” of ourselves to otherwise missed insights, we were able to begin the change towards our own individual liberation and thus our collective liberation.
Starting a discussion circle with my parent community evolved differently. Our family is blessed to be at a school with a strong parent community. Our community is invested in our school and our children’s learning and how they are nurtured to meet the needs of their future. Rather than formal circles of discussions, they have been one-on-one conversations peppered within social gatherings, school events, and play dates. Again, the discussions bring a “conscious awakeness” to how we parent our children today for their lives tomorrow. We talk about diversity and what that means living in a predominately white area of northern California. We talk about how to reconnect to our own empowerment in a society full of parent coaches and sleep consultants. And we talk about connection to nature and earth and physical movement just as necessary in our education of young people beyond text books and test scores. We continue to discuss because we choose to be awake. I choose to be awake because I want to fully participate in changing the world my boys will inherit.
As another Gathering rounds the corner, I am surprised how fast a year goes by and how much has happen since then. What started out as a simple work trip has forever changed (or illuminated clearly) the course of my tomorrows. At the Gathering we discussed much about the “social movement” happening within centers. I have seen that movement manifest itself in my work and in my life. Because of the Gathering I continued to refine my own awareness of the complexities of the human condition and human potential in this nascent social movement we talk about at the Holistic Centers Network. From that moment a year ago, the ripples continue, and I know they are not done flowing…
Drop a pebble in the water: just a splash, and it is gone;
But there’s half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to the sea.
And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.
[Excerpt from Drop a Pebble in the Water, by James William Foley]
Leslianne Lee says
Thank you for sharing —insightful and honest.